Moderation and Modeling Dependency

04.01.20

“When you discover something sweet, don’t overindulge and eat more than you need, for EXCESS IN ANYTHING can make you sick of even a good thing.” Proverbs 25:16 TPT

In the season of life after Isaac was born, God began teaching me how to value, not only balanced eating, but balanced living! Those words “excess in anything” rang loudly in my spirit. There is an abundance of eating disorders and emotional eating in the church, both spiritually and physically. The obesity and overall health issues seen in the natural are simply a glimpse of what’s going on beneath the surface. There is a mass epidemic of malnutrition, anorexia, binging and purging. To top it all off, there are toxins and empty calories from over-processed food and refined sugar contributing to our overall decline in health.

Let’s start a conversation about MODERATION. Why do we have such a hard time with this? For years I’ve struggled with claiming obsessive compulsive behaviors as a part of my personality. I would say things like, “I’m an all in or nothing kind of person.” It would frustrate me to no end, and yet I had almost accepted it as part of who I am, rather than realizing it was part of the human condition that Jesus died to deliver me from. My husband would regularly respond with, “The power of life and death are in the tongue!” or He would say, “Stop claiming that.” All the while, I would swing like a pendulum from one end of the spectrum to another.

In my teenage years, it was especially bad. For weeks, I’d religiously give all my time to spiritual activities in an effort to feel sanctified. Then I’d swing into rebellion and bitterness feeling like it wasn’t producing the results or attention I desired. I also did it in the area of entertainment. I was either spending all my time watching sermons and listening to worship music, or I would binge whole seasons of Netflix series filled with trash and filth. I even suffered with it in my eating habits. I’d either binge on am entire package of Heggy’s chocolate almond bark, or I’d stay strict on some new-found “lose-weight quick” kind of diet that perpetuated malnutrition. Then in my exercise routine there was also an issue. I was either in the gym or studio for hours every day, becoming consumed with muscle tone and vanity, or I was enveloped in insecurity while refusing to exercise at all. None of these options were healthy, because neither side truly addressed the root issues. Sadly, I see this same behavior running rampant in the church.

Part of being born into sin is addictive behaviors. I recently noticed how true this is with my children. My daughter Ellie asks for squeeze pouches of pureed fruit all throughout the day. She loves them. At first I thought it was simply her favorite food, until the Lord started highlighting that there was a bigger problem. When I weaned Ellie a month before Isaac came, I was trying to do it quickly to prepare for Him. The idea of tandem nursing was something I didn’t feel was right for me. She didn’t need it for nutrition anymore, because she had a full set of teeth and ate plenty of healthy foods. Anytime she would ask to nurse, instead of saying no, and being inconvenienced by the tantrum, I would offer her a pouch. Fast-forward almost a year later, and I’m realizing she was never truly weaned. Her dependency was simply transferred from nursing to eating pouches. Any time she is upset from being told no, getting hurt, or even just tired, her immediate response is, “Could I have a pouch, mommy?”

As soon as I realized it, I saw my part in it and how similar it was to my personal behavior patterns. Her pouch problem was the seed form of a generational curse of emotional eating in our lineage. This may seem extreme to you, but my family has had an “all or nothing” approach to eating for generations. There wasn’t a whole lot of balanced meal plans and regular exercise on either side. I got to thinking, what if we could be so intentional as parents that we would deal with these bad habits in seed form before it became a stronghold in adulthood? How would it change a generation if we could learn discipline and moderation from birth? What if we could teach healthy patterns and the beauty in balance?

Of course, this is not regarding entertaining any form of sin. There is no balancing sin, because it will always lead to destruction and God is not interested in anything that would lead us to woundedness. I do believe that there is a measure of our “addictive behavior” that was actually intended to be a gift from God, that we might relentlessly pursue Him above every other thing. Think about it, by design, we were made with a God-sized hole so that He could live within us!

His design was for us to be dependent on Him, but when sin entered into the world, we began looking for other things to fill that space. Like Ellie, our dependency has been transferred to the wrong thing. It’s time to get our priorities straight and starve that part of our flesh. We must teach our children by example that we are not meant to be independent, but rather to transfer our dependency from the people and things, to being fully dependent on God!

In January of 2019, I started a forty day fast program with Patricia King called, “Power Weight-loss and Rejuvenation.” She markets it as a fast, not a diet. It has three different phases in which you fast bad foods and feast on healthy foods to cleanse different organs and systems in your body. Prior to starting, I had been sick on and off for months. I was drinking six to seven cups of coffee a day and was still feeling exhausted. I was completely unproductive despite my best efforts. I had just transitioned to life with three children, and I was not coping appropriately. My immune system was clearly overworked to the point of not working at all. I needed a reset.

I had been feeling the conviction of the Lord to eat healthier and to start working out for quite some time, but I would always find a million reasons why it was too hard or I was too busy. One day, I hit a breaking point. What I thought was the convenient thing, was no longer convenient, because it was making me sick. The Lord warned me that not taking care of myself properly was actually a dishonor to what He had created. I was abusing His design by not treating my body well. You can’t only war spiritually to solve a problem that is physical. With the habits I had, even if He healed me, I wouldn’t stay healed because my habits would put me right back in the bondage of sickness.

I started looking at my phone moments after this conversation with God and up pops a video of Patricia King inviting people to join her on this fast. I knew immediately what God was asking me to do. I could no longer afford to drag my feet about it. Not taking care of myself was impeding my ability to care for my children. I had a million and one dreams and ambitions. They were God- promises and prophetic words over my life, but I felt like He asked me to lay it all down during that forty days. He wanted me to focus on learning to steward my body, soul and spirit.

In the past, whenever I went on a diet, I would rid our entire house of everything that wasn’t allowed on the plan. This was my way of ensuring I wouldn’t cheat. I started to clean our pantry the first day and I heard God say, “Leave it there!” I thought, “Get thee behind me, Satan! Surely, God wouldn’t say that!” But I couldn’t get away from it. Could it be that God was asking me to learn self-control in the presence of these things, so that I could learn to say no and learn moderation?

God, Himself, will never tempt you, but He always give us the option of free will. Think about the tree in the Garden of Eden. He did not do the tempting, the serpent did. However, He also didn’t remove the tree from the Garden, because He wanted them to have a choice. He wanted Adam and Eve to choose to love Him through obedience. Love isn’t real without the ability to choose. Every day of the fast, I was faced with this small temptation, but as I took it one day at a time, suddenly I learned that I had more discipline than I thought I did.

The Lord told me it was worship to Him every time that I refused to eat the things I knew were not good for me. He also told me that He counted it as worship every time I chose to workout, even though I didn’t want to. I set my gaze on doing what I knew was right, because it was my way of loving God back. Jesus said, “If you love me, keep My commandments (John 14:15 NKJV).” I finally had a revelation of what that looked like practically in my day to day life. I went the entire time without eating the foods I left in the pantry and without drinking a single cup of coffee. To some this may seem like a tiny victory, but to me, it was nothing short of miraculous.

The process of detoxing was grueling. I had headaches for days, constant cravings and withdrawal symptoms from the lack of refined sugar and flour. But I just kept reminding myself of why I was doing it, and who I was doing it for. By the end of the program I felt better than ever. I was thinking more clearly, I had lost eighteen pounds, and I fit into clothes I wore in high school. I could breath through my nose, I had tons of energy and I never want to go back to my old habits. It’s funny, because the very thing I thought I was doing out of sacrifice, was actually something that benefited me more than it even benefited God. That is the goodness of who He is. He leads us on a journey of betterment that might be hard at first, but will always reap the greatest rewards.

After seeing the discipline forming in my health habits, I realized it was time to begin forming habits in other areas. I used to be haunted by the phrase, “Jack of all trade, Master of none.” I felt like I was doomed to never being the best in anything, because I was just mediocre in everything. I have a million passions: dancing, singing/ worship leading, education and learning, playing piano, song writing, choreographing, directing productions, blogging, event planning, authoring, public speaking, cooking, mothering, being a wife, youth pastoring, organizing, one-on-one discipleship, finance and accounting, photography, design, administrative tasks, content and curriculum creation, social media marketing, the list goes on. I love it all, but I never felt like I was the best at any of it. Probably one of the most familiar conversations for me was regularly crying out to God and saying, “God if you could just only give me one focus, I could do it excellently, instead of barely keeping my head above water in all the different areas.” Recently, when I thought about this quote, I heard the Lord reply, “Success is not about being a master, it’s about knowing the Master and serving in obedience. And I have given you one focus — His name is Jesus.”

The truth is that Jesus already took the role of BEST in all things. To want to become the best, is to neglect His position of authority in your life. It’s pride. Pride will always try to keep us striving to be something we are incapable of being. We need to repent for wanting to be the master of our lives and gifts, rather than wanting to serve God well with them. This being said, I think the beginning of letting God be Master looks like letting Him redefine your definition of successful.

What is success? Has the church allowed the world to influence our ideas? Is this false belief leading us down a path of striving for numbers rather than seeing true transformation in hearts? Are we so caught up with excellence and performance that we’ve missed the entire point, which is stewarding our soul and the souls of others?

Goals and vision are great tools, but they are nothing without the right motivation. We see a measure of this in 1 Corinthians 13:1 TPT when it says, “If I were to speak with eloquence in earth’s many languages, and in the heavens tongues of angels, yet I didn’t express myself with love, my words would be reduced to the hollow sound of nothing more than a clanging cymbal. And if I were to have the gift of prophecy with a profound understanding of God’s hidden secrets, and if I possessed unending supernatural knowledge, and if I had the greatest gift of faith that could move mountains, but have never learned to love, then I am nothing.” The greatest accomplishments in the world are not material possessions or accolades, but how well you love in your relationships. The resources and titles are only worthwhile to eternity if they enhance the way you love and influence others.

Anymore, it seems like it’s hard to find people who are juggling all the different areas of their lives well. I’ve noticed in myself a natural tendency to obsess or binge on finishing tasks all at once, all the while neglecting to care for the child who is directly in front of me. I’ve noticed when I put my full attention on one thing, though I’ll see a measure of success, other balls inevitably get dropped.

So what’s the key? Let the Holy Spirit lead you in the practice of micro-habits toward big picture goals. When I set a goal to get my health in order, God spoke to me to do one ten minute workout everyday. I could not find an excuse as to why I couldn’t spend ten minutes on it, especially considering I spent more time then that logged into my social media accounts. Consistency and commitment over time will always out do a compulsion and completion mindset in fruitfulness.

God told me I needed to treat my life like learning to juggle. Trying to hold on to a ball for too long will cause everything else to fall. You can take the analogy even further if you think about professional jugglers who can juggle chainsaws and knives. God wants all of us to learn to become professional jugglers. In fact, Jesus taught us this by example in the New Testament! He ministered to crowds, discipled the twelve, and held deep friendships with Peter, James and John. He ministered in healings, signs, and wonders, taught in synagogues and market places. He confronted religious and political figures, all while refusing to neglect caring for His mother.

When Jesus was asked about His works, He said, “I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself. He does only what he sees the Father doing. Whatever the Father does, the Son also does.” (John 5:20 NLT). Interestingly enough, when juggling, professionals will tell you never to look at your hands, instead look to the highest point you are throwing the balls. When we focus our gaze on God, and learn to release things to Him, we can keep up with the juggle without dropping the balls.

No one ever learns to juggle by starting with chainsaws. If you wanna be dangerous to the enemy, you must balance the small balls before you can move to the big guns. The Bible says, “If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won’t be honest with greater responsibilities.” Luke 16:10 (NLT). In Song of Solomon, the author notes it is the small foxes that ruin the vines (Song of Solomon 2:15). When we become great stewards at the little things, they will naturally thrive and grow into big things. Just as consistently caring for your children over time eventually grows them to adulthood.

Start by setting big picture goals with God for each area of your life, and then ask God to give you five to ten minute micro-steps that you can do daily. For example, do a five to ten minute workout, complete one small load of laundry, spend a few minutes texting friends something encouraging, cook double the meal and freeze one portion of it for another time, clean and organize one drawer a week, write one paragraph for a blog, meditate on one scripture, do one fun learning activity with your kid, drink an extra glass of water a day! These are all small steps that add up to BIG results over time. And if you add the perfect timing and wisdom of the Holy Spirit to that equation, you will be sure to see supernatural efficiency and results!

I saw a vision of myself as a pendulum swinging back and forth with an obsessive compulsive like behavior. The enemy was standing beside me, trying to antagonize. Every time I would take the bait of offense, distraction or stress, He would swing me harder, making me nauseous and leaving my head spinning. I cried out to God! Suddenly, I saw the hand of the Holy Spirit come to still me. The swinging immediately stopped. I was at peace. He spoke to me saying, “I created you to be a plumb line, not a pendulum!” Depending on whose hand I was playing into, there was a massive difference in my purpose! A plumb line is a tool used to find depth, center or uprightness! When we stay at rest in the Holy Spirit, we will stay in the center of God’s will for our lives. It will be a sign and wonder to those around us of a righteous standard and greater depths in God! Any time things seem out of control, it’s time to return to stillness in His presence. We don’t have to strive in order to thrive. We simply have to abide (John 15).

Romans 8:8 NKJV says, “So then, those who are in the flesh cannot please God.” In Greek the word “in” translates “a fixed position or a relationship of rest” Where are you resting? Are you resting in your flesh or in your spirit? Merrium Webster Dictionary defines rest as, “a bodily state characterized by minimal functional and metabolic activities; a state of motionlessness or inactivity; a place for resting or lodging; peace of mind or spirit; a rhythmic silence in music; something used for support.” Man, that’ll preach! Where we choose to rest, determines the efficiency of our rest.

Have you ever tried to rest in a chaotic environment, like a plane full of screaming babies? When we rest in the wrong posture, it throws our entire body out of alignment, which causes the rest to actually be counterproductive. When we rest in God’s peace, it allowed us to be centered in His will, because it surrenders all our decisions to Him.

When I talk of rest, I’m not speaking about sleeping, or even about relaxing by enjoying hobbies, I’m talking about laying back in the presence of God. More specially, I’m talking about a posture of your heart to trust in God’s goodness, and His decisions for your life, even down to what you eat, and how you spend your time! God longs to be involved in every part of your day, and if you ask Him for wisdom, He will always provide you with the answer that will best benefit you!

The beginning of moderation starts with cutting out excess. Ask the Holy Spirit what areas of your life you need to reevaluate. Then, listen for His reply because He alone can teach us to flow in productivity and perfect health.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV